 DVD Review - Old Dogs
By Tamsin Cracknell
Considering the consistently appalled reactions this movie inspired when it first hit the big screen, it's tricky to identify the redeeming qualities that allowed Old Dogs to miraculously recoup its production costs at the box office.
Eight-year-old boys might get a kick out of it, if they are of the ilk that is particularly obsessed with jokes about urination and finds testicular damage hilarious. Then again, eight-year-olds vary in their discernment, and they tend not to gloss over their criticisms out of politeness. Don't be surprised if they blame you for wasting time that could have been better spent swallowing earthworms.
Travolta and Williams play Charlie Reed and Dan Rayburn, the old dogs of the title: BFFs and business partners in an unspecified sports-marketing capacity. The new trick they must learn is fatherhood, after Dan finds out that a Vegas-style impulse wedding seven years prior resulted in the birth of twins Zach and Emily. Way to promote family values there, Disney.
The children's mother (Preston) must relinquish care to Dan (after a seven-year hiatus in communication) in order to complete a short stint in jail for environmental activism (yes, kids, this is completely normal behaviour). For lack of a better option, Dan enlists the help of his bro Charlie to cope with the completely foreign concept of childcare.
Hijinks ensue as the businessmen attempt to entertain the children in a manner that will not result in loss of life, while simultaneously closing the biggest business deal of their lives with some sort of Japanese conglomerate. (Cue an army of purposeless oriental men in suits.) In a Home Alone-esque series of disastrous and often physically violent episodes, the twins manage to completely corrupt the bachelor lifestyle of their surrogates with well-meaning but ill-advised attempts to please them.
It's not a spoiler to say that, inevitably, everyone falls in love with everyone else, and there is much hugging. Suspense and intrigue was not the objective here. In fact, the sole aim was probably to make children zone out and laugh – forget about educational value, morality, visual and musical richness, or any other virtue upon which Disney has founded its empire.
So if you suspect little Johnny needs a break from thinking too hard, or that his toilet lexicon requires expansion, then rest assured that there is a film out there that can meet all your needs. You might, however, consider spending some time in the flowerbed instead.
|
